How to deal with the rough going of marriage

[jeremyskids]

I am going through the toughest of times right now...I am away from my family all the time because of my job and my wife doesn't think that she loves me anymore...:( ...anyone with any suggestions please help me out...:)

[Ausinus]

Take a day off work, and its purpose will be to make her feel special and loved . Make a homecooked dinner for her, or take her to a movie, just plan something between you two so you can bond. Then when you get home, make love, but make it drawn out so you can both enjoy it for as long as possible. (Make sure you deal with any children though ;) ) DO things like a massage, extended foreplay, etc. In summary: Just be as romantic as you can. Do the whole shebang, flowers, chocolates, etc. Better yet, plan this day for Valentines Day.

[theicidal maniac]

Yeah seriously, I mean if she doesn't thik she loves you anymore than there may not be much you can do, other than to try to find out why and correct, but that always backfires. But sometimes wimmins say that shit because they actually think that YOU don't love THEM anymore, and if that is the case them Ausi's idea is actually a good one. Years ago my wife and I were on the outs, and I made a list of things I could do, daily things, to improve her life or her day, not to trick her into liking me for four more months but to actually make her happier about her life, so that she doesn't start looking for things that need to change. We worked our stuff out, not everybody does. All you can do is try. So if trying is all you have, DON'T GIVE UP! If you are going through hell DON'T STOP, or you'll be stuck there.

I always felt better when I shaved my head after a breakup, but that's not for everyone.

[yea_thats_right1]

i agree 100% with aussi here, be as romantic as you can.. or sit her down and talk to her.. and then cry.. that should help some too..... get a card and inside write a short list of all of the things she does that make you love her more eachday--> this is a good one... i was going thru the same thing your wife is and my husband did this for me and i got the butterflies... women need this crap for some reason :) And chin up :D

[starry123nights]

auss hit it on target here and maniac has a point women do say things like that sometimes. Sometimes you just have to give work a break and make time for your family. My husband worked 7 days a week. We had no time together and I felt distant from him when he was around. He lived and breathed work. His answer was I'm making money for us to have more and to retire early. I told him, I'd rather be a little poorer and happy then rich and miserable. I was so alone even with the kids home. I thought damn I can be this miserable by my damn self. He now works five days a week. I went back to school and got a business degree and I now take care of all the business administration in the business. It's been good. We both made a change.

[twisted_screams]

Is there anyway possible that you can switch jobs were you are not away so much? I know that sounds kind of cheesy but sometimes women would rather you close to home and not as much money. It sounds corny i know but it is very hard to deal with a marriage when there is no second party to talk to. I understand that its probably hard for you to be away but the stress of kids at home is just as hard ( just saying if you have them). I agree with the romantic dinner and such but i personally i don't like when a man cries if she is under stress already it will just give her more. Any way good luck and i hope it all works out for you in the end.:)

[Ape-Shit]

I am going through the toughest of times right now...I am away from my family all the time because of my job and my wife doesn't think that she loves me anymore...:( ...anyone with any suggestions please help me out...:)

The 1st question I would ask my wife is..."Why, don't you think that you don't love me anymore"?

Through all of my experiences, women do not like being left alone. Too much idle time on anyone is not a good thing. It could be that she is lonely and needs some companionship or affection. Let her know how much she means to you and follow through with earlier stated suggestions.

The 2nd question I would ask my wife is..."What can I do to make things better between us"?

If she comes up with some type of plan or suggestions, then you may be able to get back on the right track, however.

If that question is not answered, she looks down or away from you or she says that she doesn't know..............Look Out....! Red Flag has Just Been Lifted!

The 3rd question I would ask my wife is..."Are you seeing someone else"? If she looks you straight in the eyes and says no...I would believe her. If she can't face you or refuses to answer that question then the answer is more than likely 99.9% that she is. If thats the case, you both need to do some serious talking with each other.

What ever the outcome....Good Luck.

ps: Most Important, No matter what happens, Do Not Display any type of Anger or Hostile behavior towards her. That only makes the situation worse.

Please bare in mind that you asked the question and I am only supplying you with My Opinion and only My Opinion.

[jeremyskids]

Well, first I want to say thank you to all that replied...it was a serious uplifting believe me...next, I want to say that I can't quit my job at the present moment...I am in the Navy and out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and she is back in Illinois with her mother and our 2 children, ages 4 and 5 months, and I do not get out of the service for another year now...tonight, I faced the hard truth of the possibility of divorce and I bawled like a big baby...only to be consoled by my one good friend on my boat who just happened to be walking by at the time...he sort of made me feel better about things, but I still have a long way to go before I can repair my marriage...this attempt to repair this marriage is not for me or my wife, it is for the aforementioned children...they deserve something that neither my wife, Amanda, or I ever had...a mother AND a father...not either or...I will definitely try some of your suggestions and see whether or not they work, but I will also try the patience game, I just want to be certain that I have the support of the people on the site that responded to this blog in case my marriage does go down the tube...thanks again for all your suggestions and look forward to hearing anything else you might have to offer.:)

[Ausinus]

Well, first I want to say thank you to all that replied...it was a serious uplifting believe me...next, I want to say that I can't quit my job at the present moment...I am in the Navy and out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and she is back in Illinois with her mother and our 2 children, ages 4 and 5 months, and I do not get out of the service for another year now...tonight, I faced the hard truth of the possibility of divorce and I bawled like a big baby...only to be consoled by my one good friend on my boat who just happened to be walking by at the time...he sort of made me feel better about things, but I still have a long way to go before I can repair my marriage...this attempt to repair this marriage is not for me or my wife, it is for the aforementioned children...they deserve something that neither my wife, Amanda, or I ever had...a mother AND a father...not either or...I will definitely try some of your suggestions and see whether or not they work, but I will also try the patience game, I just want to be certain that I have the support of the people on the site that responded to this blog in case my marriage does go down the tube...thanks again for all your suggestions and look forward to hearing anything else you might have to offer.:)

Thats fine. Good luck with everything :)

[jeremyskids]

Thanks auss, I appreciate the support...:)

[yea_thats_right1]

Well, first I want to say thank you to all that replied...it was a serious uplifting believe me...next, I want to say that I can't quit my job at the present moment...I am in the Navy and out in the middle of the ocean somewhere and she is back in Illinois with her mother and our 2 children, ages 4 and 5 months, and I do not get out of the service for another year now...tonight, I faced the hard truth of the possibility of divorce and I bawled like a big baby...only to be consoled by my one good friend on my boat who just happened to be walking by at the time...he sort of made me feel better about things, but I still have a long way to go before I can repair my marriage...this attempt to repair this marriage is not for me or my wife, it is for the aforementioned children...they deserve something that neither my wife, Amanda, or I ever had...a mother AND a father...not either or...I will definitely try some of your suggestions and see whether or not they work, but I will also try the patience game, I just want to be certain that I have the support of the people on the site that responded to this blog in case my marriage does go down the tube...thanks again for all your suggestions and look forward to hearing anything else you might have to offer.:)

chin up sailor, itll work out :D

[starry123nights]

First, let me say I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife. It's hard for young couples when they spend so much time away. I hope that you both can make it. But if it doesn't work with you and her please don't stay together for the kids. The kids will be able to tell when life isn't right with you and her. If your unhappy, your kids will be unhappy also. You can still be a great father without being married. Maybe even a better father.

Secondly, I'd like to thank you for defending our country. It's because of men and women like you that we are a free country, that I can walk my grandchildren to school, that I can sleep easy at night and not worry if my house will be blown up. Our troops make many sacrifices for us to be free and this is only one example of the sacrifices people like you have made for us.

I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope it works out for you. We're here for you if you need us.

[General Septem]

I can't offer any advice, but I'm sorry to hear about it. You have my support. :(

[jeremyskids]

Thank you to all who responded to my blog...your support is greatly appreciated by me...this is in god's hands now...I don't want it to end in a divorce...being seperated is just bad enough, but a divorce will tear me apart...I don't believe though that I have lost this battle yet, I still have alot left in the tank to beat back the "demons" of this problem and get my marriage back on the right track...but anyways, thanks again to all those who responded